9 October 2020

How To Survive Miscarriage Appointments

One thing I came to realise pretty quickly throughout this journey was how bad I am at speaking in miscarriage Doctor appointments.

I have all these great ideas of what I’m going to say, how I’m going to say it and then when it comes to it? Nothing comes out of my mouth and my brain fogs over. I’ve also been known to cry in a lot of appointments and I think most of that stemmed from being under prepared on what to expect.

Luckily, Chris would speak for me and managed to say what I couldn’t, but I would constantly beat myself up for shutting down when I had SO many questions and SO much to say.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that if you have cried in appointments, it’s a bad thing – it’s good to show emotion! But, if like me you want to be able to get your point across and have your say, whilst being emotional… you’re reading the right post!

I think a lot of the time we are not sure what to expect from appointments. What will they ask? What should I take with me? Etc, etc.

So, after 3 years on this rollercoaster, we’ve gone through SO MANY appointments… I have created a list for you guys to *hopefully* help you along the way.

What To Expect?

I want to start by saying that every Doctor is different in how they approach miscarriage/fertility and of course this is based on my personal experiences only – however, I do think it’s incredibly important that I’m honest, so here goes.. Some Doctors literally act like they could not care less about your situation.

Be prepared for coldness, excuses and the phrase “it’s probably just bad luck”. Throughout my journey I have yet to come across a compassionate Doctor whom I feel I can trust and whether I’m just unlucky OR that’s the norm, I’m not too sure. It seems to me that there’s not much training within the NHS and these departments are seriously lacking (this is something I discuss so often on my Instagram too) so it can sometimes feel like you’re getting nowhere.

I think the main point here is that as long as you are prepared for this, it becomes a lot easier to deal with. I waltzed into my first miscarriage appointment expecting to be offered tests and help because I’d hit loss number three when in reality (after some tests came back clear) I was told “I’m not really sure what to do with you”, and it hurt.

The Check List

Here is a few basic things I have picked up along the way and the things I wish I had known from the start.

  • Take all of your past blood test results (& any other test results you can think of)
  • Make a list of your miscarriage(s) – The date they happened, how far you were and any other notes worth mentioning.
  • If you have questions write them down so you can check back over them during the appointment. It’s even easier to have a list infront of you during telephone appointments too.
  • If there’s too many people in the room, you can ask some to leave. Sometimes nurses in training will sit in and it can be too much during personal appointments.
  • Take someone with you – whether that’s your partner, parent or a friend. Going alone can be daunting and you might forget what the Doctor has told you (you can also ask the Doctor if they mind you recording the appointment)
  • Speak through the points you want to make with the person going with you, so you’re on the same page.
  • Have an agreement with your partner that if you get upset or emotional, they will take over the conversation.
  • Always ask for a follow up appointment to be made
  • Never be afraid to ask for the tests you want & ask for a print out/email of the results
  • If you are going private, make sure you know ALL costs upfront & before you have any tests carried out.

I will update this list as & when I think of more points so do check back! Also, if you guys have any suggestions please leave them in the comments below and I will add those too.

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Firstly thankyou so much for this post. We are currently waiting on our postmortum results which will be discussed with a consultant at our local hospital. Our miscarriage was august 4th and we are still waiting. We were told this can take longer with covid9 restrictions and staffing etc. It now feels like something always hanging over me and constantly waiting for the letter. Our due date was xmas day and i hope its not around this time or into the new year. Im definitely prepared for a non sympathetic meeting just wish for some closure.

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